Daft revising

here’s a peer review and I need a revision of the essay attached below
please take a look at the syllabus to see the main goals of this writing course and the final draft should come with a “central idea”/ “thread” foucing on the main goals of the course in the syllabus.
also general guidelines are attached in the files
The first thing I’d like to touch upon in my peer review is structure. The paper has a good flow and the thoughts are organized by section, so on the structure front, I believe you did well. That being said, I had a hard time finding a central idea or thesis that flows through the entire paper. For instance, your second paragraph in particular has several sentences in a row that all bring up different ideas. Instead, I believe the paper would flow a little better if you highlighted one point and maybe shared an example of how you improved in this area over the course of the class (as this basic structure seems to be the loose theme I could put together from the writing).
Though you didn’t cite any materials from Projects 1-3, your second section of the paper made it clear that you had some ideas in mind for what to use and what to cite, so on that front I can’t comment much. I’d say the first two paragraphs of the section do a good job creating a frame for an effective citation, and I’m sure that was your intention. I don’t particularly see how the last paragraph about the scholarly searches could be shown with a citation of your work, but if you had something in mind feel free to keep it. If not, maybe try molding it into your conclusion.
Other than that, in terms of general readability, try reading your work aloud. I find it helps me clear up any areas that sound a little weird or need to be reworded. There were a few areas I would rewrite for clarity. Good luck on the assignment. It was a pleasure working with you over the last couple weeks.







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